It is often the unspoken words that hurt us the most. In order to break the silence of abuse, we must find our voice again.

This is the first series of blog posts based on the topics in my books. Words Never Spoken is not just a book of poetry, but a story of hope, adversity, love, and triumph. And, for those of you who have read it, you know that there are several personal elements of social disfunction that you may be able to relate to. Life events that sometimes alter the course of our life.

This first post will focus on Chapter 1: When I Was Me (Back When I Knew Myself). In order to NOT lose yourself in a relationship, you have to:

  1. Know yourself
  2. Stay true to yourself
  3. Stay true to your boundaries

I remember a dark place in my life, when I lost myself and who I was as a person.

I kept silent even when I should have spoke up, was awkwardly smiling when I should have been frowning, and gradually could not recognize myself when I looked in the mirror. Who is this woman I had become? Why was she not defending her virtue? Standing by your man is one thing, but to be disrespected and mentally annihilated was another.

Just like that Jamie Foxx song, ‘Blame it on the Alcohol’, I accepted the excuses time and time again. What happened or what was said the night before was not intentional; and it was my duty as a wife to forgive and move on.

Let’s examine the activity at the end of chapter 1, p. 15. What does your comparison look like between the Single YOU and the Coupled YOU? Consider the root cause of the differences, if any. For me, I was able to relate it back to my childhood and how I was constantly struggling to be the perfect child for my parents.

What would you do differently in your next relationship to maintain your sense of ‘self’?

I look forward to your thoughts and shares in the comments. And, remember, this is the No Judgement Zone. Until next time…