Years ago, I couldn’t say the words.
I stood in front of the mirror, just like my counselor had asked. I was supposed to look myself in the eye and say, “I love you.” Easy enough, right? Not for me.
At the time, I’d just escaped an abusive relationship that destroyed my self-esteem and so much more. For years, I’d turned to food and shopping to cope, using them to fill the emptiness, numb the pain, and distract from the reality I didn’t want to face. I called it survival—but it wasn’t healing.
It took five years of therapy, prayer, and consistent self-work to rebuild my confidence. I remember the first time I stood in that mirror and tried to speak those three little words. Nothing came out. I’d been told so many times I wasn’t enough, wasn’t lovable, wasn’t worthy, that the voice in my head started to believe it.
But I didn’t give up.
Instead, I picked up a pen. I wrote when I couldn’t speak. I poured my heart into pages that became my safe space. And over time, those words turned into something bigger. They became Words Never Spoken: A Journal for Healing, the book that helped me, and many others, begin the long, courageous journey back to self-love.
Read it here
That’s why I’ll always celebrate National Love Note Day on September 26. Because I know how hard it is to say, “I love you,” when you’ve been told you don’t deserve it. And I also know how powerful it is to reclaim those words for yourself.
Why Love Notes to Yourself Matter
We often write love notes to others…to partners, children, and friends. But we rarely write them to the person we spend every day with: ourselves.
Writing love notes to yourself is a gentle, personal form of self-soothing. Not the kind that numbs or avoids, but the kind that heals. You see, there’s a difference between negative, neutral, and positive self-soothing.
During my healing years, I relied on neutral habits like binge-watching TV or scrolling endlessly through social media. At times, I leaned on harmful ones like overeating or spending money I didn’t have. But it wasn’t until I embraced positive self-soothing such as journaling, prayer, creative writing, that I truly began to heal.
Writing a love note to yourself can be one of the most affirming forms of emotional care. It’s simple. It’s quiet. And it’s real.
Your Love Note Ritual
Here’s what I encourage you to do this week:
- Write three to five short love notes to yourself.
- Be specific. Praise your strength. Acknowledge your growth. Thank yourself for surviving.
- Fold them up and hide them around your home like in your sock drawer, your purse, under your coffee mug.
- Let them surprise you over the coming days.
They don’t have to be perfect. They just have to be yours.
If you need help getting started, try these openers:
- I love you because…
- I’m proud of you for…
- You deserve…
- Don’t forget that you…
And if you’re still not sure what to say, remember this quote from Brené Brown:
“Talk to yourself like someone you love.”
A Note of Hope
Healing isn’t linear. Some days you’ll write with joy. Other days you’ll stare at the page. But even on the hard days, your words can carry you. They can remind you of how far you’ve come.
As Rupi Kaur wrote:
“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.”
So, this National Love Note Day, write to the one who’s always been there through it all.
Write to the woman who survived.
Write to the woman who’s still healing.
Write to the woman who’s learning to love herself, one note at a time.
You deserve every word.
Until next time…
About the Author
Cheryl Bannerman is a prolific and versatile author with a portfolio of ten published works across various genres including mystery novels and a children’s book. In 2018, she received the prestigious 2018 Book Excellence Award for her poetry collection, Words Never Spoken. In 2020, Bannerman’s book, Black Child to Black Woman: An African-American Woman Coming-of-Age Story, garnered acclaim, winning the Best Books Award in African American fiction and the Reader’s Favorite International Book Award Contest in Urban Fiction in 2021.
Readers can connect with Bannerman, purchase signed copies of her books, and subscribe to her newsletter through her website, www.bannermanbooks.com. When she is not writing for her next book, Bannerman is running her 29-year-old virtual B2B Training and Development company based out of her Orlando, Florida home.
