{"id":1220,"date":"2018-09-21T10:16:00","date_gmt":"2018-09-21T14:16:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bannermanbooks.com\/staging\/?p=1220"},"modified":"2018-09-21T10:16:00","modified_gmt":"2018-09-21T14:16:00","slug":"whats-name-choosing-words-wisely","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bannermanbooks.com\/staging\/whats-name-choosing-words-wisely\/","title":{"rendered":"What\u2019s In a Name?: Choosing Your Words Wisely"},"content":{"rendered":"

Even when teased as a child, some of us would chant \u201cSticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

However, as an adult, I don\u2019t find that true at all. I was bullied and teased all through school and I was never able to follow my parent\u2019s advice and let it \u2018roll off my back\u2019 and not \u2018wear my heart on my sleeve\u2019.<\/p>\n

Is it because I was born \u2018too sensitive\u2019, as the perpetrators like to conclude, or is it something deeper than that? Perhaps words really do hurt.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Consider this\u2026if a person hears something over and over again about themselves, does it eventually become true to them. They say Repetition is the key to learning<\/em>, right? And is this true for both positive<\/em> and negative<\/em> statements?<\/p>\n

I tend to believe it is. My parents told me my whole childhood and adult life that I was super smart, creative, and beautiful. When I achieved Honor Roll, earned undergraduate and graduate degrees, wrote a book, etc. they praised me. This helped encourage me and pushed me to do more. It was the positive reinforcement I cherished and needed in life.<\/p>\n

Regardless of what other girls were saying to me<\/em>, saying about me<\/em>, or the names they were calling me<\/em>, I remembered my parent\u2019s words of encouragement and kept moving on.<\/p>\n

I think that\u2019s why the next thing I am about to tell you is so difficult for even me to comprehend. I let one person change that mindset in one full swoop. And that full swoop lasted almost ten years.<\/p>\n

At the end of that decade, all of the positive reinforcements instilled in me by my parents were completely reversed. I was Nothing. Worthless. A fat, ugly loser<\/span>.<\/p>\n

How is that possible? I thought I was a successful entrepreneur, an author, attractive\u2026So how had I been convinced I was Nothing. Worthless. A fat, ugly loser.<\/p>\n

According to the narcissist (my then husband) that ruled my life for a decade, the verbal berating was to be excused due to his various addictions. During those times when he was flying high, all behaviors and words spoken were to be accepted, tolerated, and forgotten the next day.<\/p>\n

But is it that easy to forget words that are spoken<\/em>? How do you press the reset button on your brain?<\/span><\/p>\n

If you have read my other blog posts and know my story, you know that I found out a few years ago, at 42, that I was not the biological child of the parents that raised me. When my ex-husband found out, it became a new taunt in future arguments. Lines such as, \u201cYou\u2019re such a loser, your own mother didn\u2019t even want you!\u201d rang through the house, and permeated my mind like dye seeping into your bloodstream during an MRI. It was now \u2018in me\u2019 and eventually would ring true, even to me.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Bottom line:<\/strong> Words hurt, and are not easy to forget.<\/p>\n

Additionally, if the same hurtful words are repeatedly told to you over and over for a set amount of time, you will begin to believe them. It\u2019s a form of control, brainwashing, and abuse.<\/p>\n

So, what would you say to a kid that is being bullied and starts feeling bad about the words being launched at them? <\/strong><\/p>\n

Hopefully, you will forget the chant we learned as a kid \u201cSticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me,\u201d and replace that with, \u201cHow does that make you feel?\u201d encouraging them to talk about their feelings and getting them professional help, if necessary.<\/p>\n

According to a recent article, \u201cthere is a strong link between bullying and suicide.\u201d<\/span> A few of the statistics are below:<\/p>\n